Since the last post, so many things happened in my life. Yours truly had to face 1 thing after another and sometimes so many things happened at once. Lately, only bad things came and few what could be called little bit of happiness arrived. I still strongly believe, things happened for a reason, which is no one knows.I am in a deep mess. Love life lost, financial hell, I have lost most of the precious things in my life that I had hold on to and those people and material things which had kept me going on running through the hurdles. But life still have to move on.
My love left me as the sparks had died. This time, there is no turning back for us. I have done fighting to get the love back and light the sparks. I have done fight for someone which most probably was not meant for me. I really don't know where to find the so-called soul mate. I don't even really know if the soul mate exist, that someone out there is meant for me. Oh well, if there is, I will not go and look for it, I will just let it come to me. I will put efforts in it but I will not put high hopes on it.
I have a job, which I enjoy so much, it looks easy but it is a tough job. I'm doing what I love to do, but still it is hard at the moment. I have yet to prove the capabilities I have to excel and make money. I am loosing my focus in life and it is dragging me down. I need a sounding board but none to find at the moment.
Recently I have met someone. It was, I could say love at the first sight, but the pull was so strong. I could not stop thinking about the person. The person has what I am looking for in a partner, smile that could melts my heart and a pair of eyes that speak to me without words. As if it was a reflex reaction, I kept turning my head and couldn't stop staring. I made a point to get to know the person who I shall made M. M has the most beautiful smile and I could stare in to M's eyes for hours.
It would be a big challenge for me to have M though. M is attached and M is not PLU. If I were to have M, I have to be patient and be my true self. M is giving little responses but sometimes mixed signals. I don't want to interpret it wrongly. Therefore, I am rather extra careful reading the signals M's throwing at me. M is a very nice person, whose life and scarifies were not appreciated before by some. M is unique in a way. But I have yet to get to know M better.
Actually, I have a fear that losing M. I have the fear, I am not worthy for M. I feel this way as I am yet to really know what does M feel and think about me. I rather ended up as just a friend than losing M totally, the reason why I feel like I am walking on a very thin glass...
All in all, whenever I am downed, I just need to listen to M's voice and it will put smiles back to my face. By looking at M's smiling picture could instantly craved wide smiles even in my sourest mood... Thank you, M.
These are the thing I am going through at the moment, today. Only God knows what is there waiting for me in life. I still believe things happen for a reason and the reason to make me treasure each of my waking day more. Alhamdulillah, Thank you God!
