What's on My Mind

Dearest Love,

Hye! How are u? I miss u....I do hope I am not disturbing ur day. How are u doing since I last saw u?

Love,
Today I have just finished reading a Malay Novel, Wasilah Cinta Weera. I would rate it as one of the best Malay Novel I have read so far. I can't remember the writer's name but the storyline had managed to capture my attention and desire to read it till the end.

The story begins with a guy named Weera, He is so pure and honest, the kind of guy a mother would love to have. He is a loving, caring and no nonsense man. Weera has a guy friend, Ray and they were mistaken as gay partners. Everyone would see their closeness as sensual, but no one could really understand the love they had for each other was the love our Nabi Muhammad SAW had toward his good friends. It was a platonic relationship, love without any sexual feelings.

The story has made me shed my tears and moved my heart. I cried while I was reading it. Last I had cried when I was reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hossaini. The scarifies made by Weera when he had salvaged what's left of Sari Ayu's pride and dignity, when he decided to quit his job to take care of Ray when was bedridden with incurable disease were only one could imagine of.. When nemesis, Firdaus spread rumours and slandered him, Weera faced it with grade and patience of a saint.

The ending is simple, but meaningful. I have enjoyed reading it. If all humankind in this world have the pure heart as Weere, I believe there would be no war and no children would died hungry in war stricken countries. There will be no hate only love. On a second thought, if world only filled with love no hate or the 7 deadly sins, living on earth would be very dull. Hmmmm....

Love,
What say u? Life with no ups and downs, a monotonous day to day life be very hard to live by....no challenges.... I craved for challenges, it will make my mind grow and make wiser. Yeah, u may think that I am crazy. Maybe I am....

Love,
I have to say good bye for now, till we meet again. Do take care. I will find time to say hye whenever I could.

The one who is always thinking of u,
Edd Ardee

New Found Joy

Dearest Love,

Hi, Love. How are you doing? Hope you are doing fine ever since we've met. I have been neglecting you for quite sometime...again I do apologize Love.

Love,
I have been occupied with my daily life for the past few weeks with activities that I do believe is good for my soul. Yet I still have unsettled issues. There are so many ups and downs in my life and the recent issue is I have just got to know that I have Saka.....not just 1 but 10 sakas. I inherited it unknowingly for my Mom's side. The Sakas are giving me problems. All the while, I thought that I am very lazy and procrastinating so much. I have been having this cycle whereby whenever it comes, I will shut myself away from everything and everyone. I will become very quite person and unwilling to go out from the house to work or socializing with friends. And this is taxing to my everyday life.

I have met an Ustaz in Bangi who said I need to get rid of it. The whole siblings, nephews and niece have to be there for the procedure. I would I get all of them to gather at the same time...hmmmm...I have to....I need to break free from all this. Ya Allah, please give me strength.

In the journey of me getting the whole family gather, I have been searching for my soulmate too. I have signed up for social networking websites and I've few that I managed to communicate. I spend time online just to have a chat and getting to know the persons. I have found 2 person that I am very comfortable chatting with and vice versa.

First, there this person I shall named A who approached me in one of the social website. A is very pleasant to chat with, but A never reveal any detail about herself. I have never seen any of A's photos and A never gives any contact number. We would only talk and say hi to each other via YM. My curiosity is very high and I hope that someday I will meet A face to face.

There this another person who I approached in one of the website who I shall named N. N is very very very much younger than me. I am smitten with N's smile and cute face. we chat via video calls and phone calls. N have most of the characteristics I am looking for my soulmate. N shied away for a couple of weeks, and recently N contacted me back. The reason N buzzed, because N thought she saw me in Shah Alam that day but in actual fact I was at home. And it started. phone calls, video calls, chatting and I met N for the 1st time. We talked and chatted, getting to know each other. I see N as the one, but my mind is clouded with the what ifs.... There are so many things to think about before I am committing myself to N. The age factor, the distance, the time.....hmmmm

I believe N is having the same thoughts. I am giving myself time and space to think it out. I don't want to make mistakes again. I don't want to hurt N's feelings and make N suffers if we were together. I want to N happy, being in love is no longer an easy task for me nowadays. N, I will give you the answer tonight......I hope it will make you happy as the answer is what you are hoping for.

Love,
I have sign off now. I hope to see u again soon. Do take care love...and please pray for me.

The one who has been neglecting you lately....
Edd Ardee

Juz dropping to say hi....

Hye Love,

How are you? Have you been thinking about me? :).... I miss you.

Love,
I am in a mess of my own creation. My mind is a dazed and trapped in a cobweb... I am floating without directions. I am unable to make decisions and lay down any plan for the future.

So many thing happened in my life for the past few weeks but the loneliness still affecting me to the max.... I hate these feeling.... The feeling has crippled me, made me feel so down and sometime restless....arghhhhh!

Love, how do I get rid of this feeling? So I just forget about it and chucked it aside? I do go out meeting friends, mix around, chatting online and start reading again.....but...

I just miss my old self, hmm...

Love, show me the way out from all this and lead me the light...I hate to stay in the darkness...lit the path to my hapiness, please...

Love, I will be waiting for the day to come when my life in back on track... till then, I will always miss u..

The one who is lost in moments....
EddArdee

Blessings in disguised

Hye Love, 

How are you fairing? I do hope, everything is great for you since I last visited you. I have been busy and the writing mood has kept laying low for quite sometime. Do you miss me, love?

I have been on a soul searching quest for the past few weeks. I am trying to find my lost soul who I have found somewhere in July but had gone missing since September. Why oh my wanderer soul, why must you go away? I have been searching for it up the emotional hills, down the moody rocky paths, swam in the river of frustration tears and I have even dig a hole in my heart searching for my wandering and lost soul.

Along the journey, I have found so many poverty in myself. I have come encountered with the rundown shack of my whole self. In the shack, there are wounded heart, drying faith, giant frame of fear on the wall, buzzing mind, a lonely rose in a vase and an empty piggy bank. These describe who I am inside.

When I leave the shack, and have a look at it from outside. I could see so many things happening around it. I could see friends running here and there with some materials to patch the wound, watering my faith with the purest water ever, holding a bigger frame of courage, singing a song of happiness to ease the buzzing, another is holding a rose in a vase to keep the lonely rose accompanied and some are with loose change in their hands to fill the empty piggy bank. Without me realizing it, I am blessed.

There are no words or beautiful phrases for me to express my gratitude and appreciations to these people. They are always there whenever I needed supports and always make me come out from the rundown shack to see from different perspectives. 

Many kudos to my family, especially Kak Teh, My bosses, Shells and Chris, My buddies, Ernie, Dya, Naz, my Machas and my colleagues, my old friends, Along, Fara and Zureen, my new found friends, Kak Lin, Wie and HH. You are the reasons I am brave enough to leave the shack and put a smile on my face and for me to face the World...Only Allah would understand who meaningful are the deeds you have done for me, and only Allah could repay you.

Love,

I am sometimes blinded by my own emotions, I have neglected those around me. I am sorry if I have hurt your feeling unintentionally. I love you, Love! I will always will....

From the person who has been neglecting you lately,

Edd Ardee

Hi, Love!

Hi,
It has been almost 3 months since I last visited you. It's going to sound boring...I am sorry! I am so sorry my Love... My days are swooned and my nights are packed with works and activities. Before that, how are doing my Love? Miss me? How's life?

This time around I don't really have any interesting story to tell. Nothing extravaganza is happening in my life lately, just I have won the 1st place last month and the RM1K I wanted. This month I am a bit slacking and having low time. I am running again for the 1st place this month so I could achieve what I have planned for by end of year.

I am lonely without you my Love. You have been away almost 4 months. I am surviving the nights and days without you by my side. I am always find a reason not to be alone, always fill my days with activities. When are you coming back, Love? Will you ever come back?

Remember M? I have stopped pursuing M at the moment. M needs someone who M could see be together in the future, and I am not the person M sees. Deep in my heart I still want M to be by my side and for me to cherish and love. I see myself having a great and peaceful life with M, us living together and taking care of each other needs. It is not easy to read M's mind and I still learning. Currently, I believe M has someone in mind and they may go serious.

M always tell me to keep my options open and to get to know as many love candidates as possible. It is not that I don't want to, I am just so smitten with M and I don't have the time to go and find even 1...hahhahaha...you may think "what a pathetic life I am living"! Well, at the moment work is my life, I do go out partying and holidaying, but it is not the same without having someone special to do all that. I wish soon I am having someone I could call mine.

Love,
Last 16th August I went to Kota Kinabalu. I have enjoyed my time with my boss and colleagues. We had great nights in KK partying and letting loose all the stress.

I have enjoyed the singles' trip but deep in my heart I want to be there with my special someone.

Love, please be with me again the soonest. I am reading the last "Secret" series, The Power. It talks about love, and how much love is needed to bring in The Law of Attractions. Once I have done reading, I will share with you what it's all about. I am signing off now. I need to catch some winks. It already 5 am here. I need to be in the office by 3pm and I want to be early.

Take care, my Love. Please come back to me in one piece. I will waiting but I will be searching for you as well. Till we meet again. Ciao, Ma Bella!

The one who always wanting you to be here,
Edd Ardee

Pieces of my thoughts.....

Hye Love,
I miss u...
I am sorry for shying away from you. It has been quite sometime since I visited u last. I have been busy working and the odd hours deterred me from visiting u as frequent as I want it to be.

I have been running for the 1st place at work, I am aiming for that extra RM1k. Now I am 2nd behind the Champ. I have 4 more days of hard running as I have wasted 1 weekend....I really want that 1st place badly, not just for the extra dough but the chance to prove to myself I can do it!

Love,
I don't know why I couldn't forget Amie even I really really tried to forget Amie. The memories keep coming back and I always have Amie's name at the tip of my mouth. I don't want to hate Amie, I am actually happy for Amie as I know Amie has found happiness Amie has been searching for. Amie has wasted 3 and 1/2 of her life with me, and I have let it happened. Amie, I have always love u, but I could love u no more. Please be known to u, I have never and not a single second not appreciating u in my life. I have treasured u and put u on the highest pedestal, even worshiped u as the Queen of my heart. I never regretted the moments spend with u and I never hate u till now. But Amie, there will be no more DD and Amie....there will be Edd and no more Elyza.

Love,
Sometimes I feel I need someone in my life so badly. I want to have someone I could call lover or the One. Deep inside my heart, I am just not ready. I still carry the fear of being hurt and rejected again. I know, M will never be mine, maybe not anytime soon. I am in fear of hurting M, as I still have a lot of unsettled issues so does M. Everyone around has warned me that I might get hurt is I keep pursuing M. I don't know now, Love...what should I do? I don't want to lose M forever.

Well Love,
Actually, M has rejected me in the nicest way ever happened in my life. M wants to just stays friends. I guess that would be the best thing. Both of us still not ready and not to make things worst and awkward. As long as I could see M smiling and hearing M's voice, I will be fine. I will be always admiring M from far and wait for the day to come and bring M to me to love and be loved. The hope will never die.

Love,
I have to be strong and keep my mind intact. I couldn't afford to lose my focus and determinations. I have very limited time, I am reaching 35 faster than I ever could imaging. I have yet to buy the X1 with Electric Blue Paint, Suede Leather interior and rotating sport rims....the 1200sqft Condo....the trips I have promised myself. Would I be able to reach all this? I am praying hard to Allah, to grant me more time and good health and shower me with wealth before I finally close my eyes. So I would know, I have purposed to be in this temporary world and I had fulfilled the purposes.

Love, don't let me tire u more with these thoughts of mine. I just need someone who could listen without judging. Thank u, Love. U are the best listener I have so far, and I know u will forever be listening. Till the next sharing, Love. Take care and be healthy...


The one who always come to u,
Edd Ardee

The Twilight Saga - Eclipse

Last nite, together with the Sky's Gang headed to Mid Valley to catch the most raved about Eclipse. I went in with no expectation and came out with nothing as well. The whole story was involved in saving Bella and numerous of dead people, dead people becoming new vampires along the way. Owh Bella, what make u so great? I couldn't see a thing.

Bella, as previous Saga, still head on with her decision of becoming a vampire herself so she could be forever with Edward. She's willing to scarify everything, willing to say goodbyes the parents and old life. Owh what a huge scarify and soooo nobel of you, Bella.

Jacob on the other hand, knows what he wanted. He wanted Bella and he made it known to Bella how does he feels her. Some might say Jacob is a bit pushy. He just knows his heart and he listens to it. I could reflexed myself in Jacob. I would always be franked when it comes to my feelings. I will tell the person I like outright that I am pursuing and in loved. Whether the person will be mine in the end, still a big question. I wouldn't stop fighting and winning the person's heart, I will play fair and go with the flow....

Edward Cullen, didn't give the impact I expect, it seems like he is just one of the extras. The most good looking extras....hehehehhehe All in all, Twilight is not my makanan laa....I prefer reading the books..... hmmm new twilight is in the making i heard....hmmmmm