Pieces of my thoughts.....

Hye Love,
I miss u...
I am sorry for shying away from you. It has been quite sometime since I visited u last. I have been busy working and the odd hours deterred me from visiting u as frequent as I want it to be.

I have been running for the 1st place at work, I am aiming for that extra RM1k. Now I am 2nd behind the Champ. I have 4 more days of hard running as I have wasted 1 weekend....I really want that 1st place badly, not just for the extra dough but the chance to prove to myself I can do it!

Love,
I don't know why I couldn't forget Amie even I really really tried to forget Amie. The memories keep coming back and I always have Amie's name at the tip of my mouth. I don't want to hate Amie, I am actually happy for Amie as I know Amie has found happiness Amie has been searching for. Amie has wasted 3 and 1/2 of her life with me, and I have let it happened. Amie, I have always love u, but I could love u no more. Please be known to u, I have never and not a single second not appreciating u in my life. I have treasured u and put u on the highest pedestal, even worshiped u as the Queen of my heart. I never regretted the moments spend with u and I never hate u till now. But Amie, there will be no more DD and Amie....there will be Edd and no more Elyza.

Love,
Sometimes I feel I need someone in my life so badly. I want to have someone I could call lover or the One. Deep inside my heart, I am just not ready. I still carry the fear of being hurt and rejected again. I know, M will never be mine, maybe not anytime soon. I am in fear of hurting M, as I still have a lot of unsettled issues so does M. Everyone around has warned me that I might get hurt is I keep pursuing M. I don't know now, Love...what should I do? I don't want to lose M forever.

Well Love,
Actually, M has rejected me in the nicest way ever happened in my life. M wants to just stays friends. I guess that would be the best thing. Both of us still not ready and not to make things worst and awkward. As long as I could see M smiling and hearing M's voice, I will be fine. I will be always admiring M from far and wait for the day to come and bring M to me to love and be loved. The hope will never die.

Love,
I have to be strong and keep my mind intact. I couldn't afford to lose my focus and determinations. I have very limited time, I am reaching 35 faster than I ever could imaging. I have yet to buy the X1 with Electric Blue Paint, Suede Leather interior and rotating sport rims....the 1200sqft Condo....the trips I have promised myself. Would I be able to reach all this? I am praying hard to Allah, to grant me more time and good health and shower me with wealth before I finally close my eyes. So I would know, I have purposed to be in this temporary world and I had fulfilled the purposes.

Love, don't let me tire u more with these thoughts of mine. I just need someone who could listen without judging. Thank u, Love. U are the best listener I have so far, and I know u will forever be listening. Till the next sharing, Love. Take care and be healthy...


The one who always come to u,
Edd Ardee

The Twilight Saga - Eclipse

Last nite, together with the Sky's Gang headed to Mid Valley to catch the most raved about Eclipse. I went in with no expectation and came out with nothing as well. The whole story was involved in saving Bella and numerous of dead people, dead people becoming new vampires along the way. Owh Bella, what make u so great? I couldn't see a thing.

Bella, as previous Saga, still head on with her decision of becoming a vampire herself so she could be forever with Edward. She's willing to scarify everything, willing to say goodbyes the parents and old life. Owh what a huge scarify and soooo nobel of you, Bella.

Jacob on the other hand, knows what he wanted. He wanted Bella and he made it known to Bella how does he feels her. Some might say Jacob is a bit pushy. He just knows his heart and he listens to it. I could reflexed myself in Jacob. I would always be franked when it comes to my feelings. I will tell the person I like outright that I am pursuing and in loved. Whether the person will be mine in the end, still a big question. I wouldn't stop fighting and winning the person's heart, I will play fair and go with the flow....

Edward Cullen, didn't give the impact I expect, it seems like he is just one of the extras. The most good looking extras....hehehehhehe All in all, Twilight is not my makanan laa....I prefer reading the books..... hmmm new twilight is in the making i heard....hmmmmm

Affirmations....

Yesterday, while waiting for Berbuka Puasa time, me and Kak Teh were hanging around at Borders in Tropicana City Mall. A book tittled "I Can Do It" by Louise L. Hay caught my attentions. The book is guiding the readers on how to use affirmations in life.


Affirmation according to wikipedia, a declaration that something is true, or an oath and also a form of self-forced meditation or repetition. The book suggests the power of affirmation affecting one's life. Affirmation helps in keeping a positive mind and unleashing The Secret.  I have got to know on how to use affirmation long time ago, but never really applies it to my daily life. 


Today, I am implying it to my daily routines, it has become my chants and mantras. In my daily prayers I would insert the affirmations. I have few affirmations as I have goals I am reaching. Affirmations for prosperities, health and love. I am using it for keeping a level head and to stay positive therefore I am able to focus more in my life.


It has to in a present form. It has to be exactly you are already having it, for example, "I am lovable and cheerful and I am loved by my soul mate.", "I am ready to embrace the wealth as I am living in the world of abundant". These are some of the examples. You could create your own that tailor-made to your own goals. I am using mine and will always chant my affirmations each time, especially when I am feeling down so the universe hears and open up to me.


This is just a thing I love to share, I could not forced anyone to apply it and use it themselves. I have had to realise the power of it even though many friends have told me to use it. All I could say, why don't you try it for yourself and see. It might do a difference.

Day Off.......

Almost every Monday, some people would whine about Monday Blues, complaining why Sunday never last... Thank to Allah, at the moment I am not affected by Monday Blues as I could sleep late and wake up late. Jangan jeles ah! I don't have to be in the office and beat the jam. I could just lepak tengok tv and don't have to mandi the whole day, my choice! hahahahhaha...

This morning, I had breakfast with Wai See, lama jugak x jumpe dia. It has always been such pleasure to talk to her. We had a nice chat and even though a short meet up but we managed to catch up...Thanks Wai See for the books.

Hmm...what should I rant about today? Kak Yam is busy cleaning the house but I just too lazy to help up...heheheh she's been paid to do it so kuasa sangat nk tolong....hehhehe House is a mess with the stuffs from my old place, my room still clustered with unpack clothes and documents...arghhh...hehehehh cian kak yam!

At the moment is thinking about M. Still cannot stop thinking....last few days, M seems to shy away. I don't know, whether it is just my feeling or it is reality. M might feel disturb or rimas with me. I need to back off a bit as I don't want to lose without fighting. M's hinting me to keep my options open, in another words, find someone else....hahahaha but M, I am not looking and will not look for the person. I will let the person comes to me. If u are the right person for me, I will let u come to me at ur own will.

My everyday life is improving bit by bit. At work I am doing better, I've managed to close sales and focus more. I've received praises from the bosses but I am still not satisfied not until I could praise myself for the hardwork I've done and the money I always needed are already in my pockets. I've shown some that I've promised the Bosses but I haven't proved to myself, I am not what others would think of me, THE LOSER!

I just need to keep the momentum going and keep running till I reach the top. They say, it is lonely at the top but what the heck! I don't mind as long as I am no longer in the slump....I had enough of mud in my face. I rather have mascara and blushers than dirts....

I still miss my dearest but I told myself, there's no turning back. No matter how much I loved my dearest, I could only love her from far. I hope u are doing ok, dearest.... It was such a pleasure roller-coaster ride this past 4 years....

My Babies....

My babies, Cheeqee and Sir Lucky.

Cheeqee and Sir Lucky came into my life could be considered as by accident. Cheeqee is/was a friend's, She has some problems and couldn't provide full attention to Cheeqee. I was supposed to be a temporary foster parent but Cheeqee has been with me since Oct 2009. He is the Apple of my sister's eyes.

Sir Lucky has all the Luck in the World. He was almost rolled under a Waja's wheel when I first found him in the middle of a busy road. If he were a female I would have named him Lady Luck, that's the reason he is called Sir Lucky.....

These 2 munchkins are my heart and soul as I am in my journey in the Single Town. They light up my life and they always make me smile.....

Thinking of someone....

Hye Love,

How are you doing today? Any interesting thing to share? Well, hope you have enjoyed your day so far.

Love,
Remember M, I have mention M to your previously, how I like M so much. How M's smile could melt me in seconds and M's piercing eyes could make me swooned...hahahah.....

It has been almost 2 weeks since I have first met M. Everyday since I am smitten by M. You may think I am crazy to be head over heel for a person I have only known for a very short while. I only met M twice. Crazy me! But to tell you the truth, I am crazy about M and couldn't get M out of my mind.

Everyday, I always make a point to talk to M over the phone. I need to listen to M's voice before I'm going to start the day. Until I am afraid I am disturbing and trespassing. M still giving me mixed signals....arghhh.....should I pursue u or just stay away, M????

Love,
Please give me some advice, should I or just back away and remained friends with M? ......HELP!

Hope to hear from you soon Love, I have to go now, just want to give M a call... See you soon.

The one who loved to love,
Ardee

Hunter is still hunting....

Facts of life.... Sometime the hunter brings in the kill, sometime the hunter have to keep on hunting.

Tonight, I was stalking the prey, focusing on which angel to attack. The prey fell into the trap, allured by the lights, liked what they see and wanted it, but the Brazil game tonight has awaken them from trance..... I have lost the kill... well there will more tomorrow...

Life as it is.....Stealth Killer Mode

Today am at work, preparing myself mentally and emotional for the KILL. Come what may, I am aiming for the highest KILL this month as my pocket is starving to the max. Only by bringing home the KILL would be the solution!

I am not going to kill people literally for a living, am not a hired killer but I want to kill a sale each time the prey is presented to me. It is easy to have the prey chucked in front of me but it is a tough job to nail it down. I have to use a lot of angles you could imaging.

Tonight and any other night, I will let loose the tiger, the leopard and the most stealth killer instinct in me. I will keep my ears open and my senses for the prey's weaknesses. I may not aim to break the neck but I may attack the broods...hahahahha whatever it takes. No mercy!

Hell of a Day!!!

June 30th, 2010. The day I left my old life behind.

Dear Love,
I have had a very stressful and fucked up day today. So many unwanted things have happened at a go. Everything has came up unexpectedly. I always knew they will eventually come but I don't expect it so soon. My bad debts are chasing me, left right, back, front and centre. I am in deep shit. I had to face all and make decisions alone.

Love, That's not the most heartbreaking part. Today I had to leave the life I used to have behind without turning back even a glance. I had to forget that I used to love my dearest so much. I had to say good bye permanently to a place I had called home for the past 3 years. A place I had prepared for our nesting ground, our humble abode. I painted the walls and filled it with love. It was not just a house or a home, it was my castle, my fort, now no more.

Love,
I am sorry if from now on you will see me differently. I may not be the same me you used to know. I may look different, I may talk different and I may even sound different. I am inventing the new me. I have had enough of being the old new that brings nothing and people always sees the old me as weak and a loser. I am sick and tired of the same perspectives they have. I am a great person, I could be even better than anyone could imaging. You would have to wait and see, love. You will fall in love with the new me, as if you are falling for a new person.

Love,
I wouldn't want to bore you. Please forgive me if I haven't see you around as much as I should. I would be very busy with work and pursuing my new love interest as you know so well, I could not live in single hood too long.I already someone in the picture but I still have the fear of the past would come back haunting me. I am afraid I might failed again. But, M is...how could I describe M. Each time I am downed emotionally, just hearing M's voice and listening to M, would makes all the iceberg in me melted, all the fire of anger and frustrations doused off. Ahhh....not to forget M's smiles....the smile that could  make Kings surrendering their thrones... M may or may not be mine, but how I wished M is mine forever.

I believe I would have to stop here. I will write to you again soon. Hopefully by then, I could give you an update or two and maybe a happy news. I leave you now with a note of love and friendship. Take care my love, always be happy and cheerful.

The one who will always love you,
Edd Ardee

p/s: I have attached my new picture taken at the new office...I am a lot slimmer now.. :)