Sempurna.....

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

[Reff:]
Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

This song gives a very deep meaning, even though the lyrics may not make sense. How can a person be blood running thru one’s veins. How can a person be one’s heart, read between the line.

I could feel the singer is crying to the one he or she loved, the meaning of the loved one existence in his or her life. Let me reflect this to my life.

I have been out of love for quite sometimes. I was all lonely but surviving with family and friends surround me. I have been searching for new love and it took me a while to finally found the One. I once thought my ex was the One. I was holding to the littlest hope and on a very thin thread I called love. We once were so much in love and in the end we fell out of love. I do cherished the moments we had but I would not turn back, I would let all the fondest and sweetest moments remain as memories. To relive all that would be very beautiful and would lift my spirit up, but with all that there are pains and hurts as well.

Not long ago, I have found new love. Some may say it is too soon. It may be just a rebound. After I have tried my hand at courting M and failed, some may say I am just desperate for someone. I assure you not. I have finally found someone. The person may, may not be the ultimate One, but the person is perfect for me.

In this person I could see a little bit of my past exes. All the best and pleasant traits I am looking in a partner. This new person completes all bit and pieces. This new person is sempurna!

Sayang,

You are my life, you are my heart.  You are the blood that runs through my veins, without you my life is not complete. You are the reason I want to live and to conquer all my fears and stand strong to protect us both.  You are my strength, without you I may wobble and fall. Please stay in my heart, hingga hujung nyawa….

What's on My Mind

Dearest Love,

Hye! How are u? I miss u....I do hope I am not disturbing ur day. How are u doing since I last saw u?

Love,
Today I have just finished reading a Malay Novel, Wasilah Cinta Weera. I would rate it as one of the best Malay Novel I have read so far. I can't remember the writer's name but the storyline had managed to capture my attention and desire to read it till the end.

The story begins with a guy named Weera, He is so pure and honest, the kind of guy a mother would love to have. He is a loving, caring and no nonsense man. Weera has a guy friend, Ray and they were mistaken as gay partners. Everyone would see their closeness as sensual, but no one could really understand the love they had for each other was the love our Nabi Muhammad SAW had toward his good friends. It was a platonic relationship, love without any sexual feelings.

The story has made me shed my tears and moved my heart. I cried while I was reading it. Last I had cried when I was reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hossaini. The scarifies made by Weera when he had salvaged what's left of Sari Ayu's pride and dignity, when he decided to quit his job to take care of Ray when was bedridden with incurable disease were only one could imagine of.. When nemesis, Firdaus spread rumours and slandered him, Weera faced it with grade and patience of a saint.

The ending is simple, but meaningful. I have enjoyed reading it. If all humankind in this world have the pure heart as Weere, I believe there would be no war and no children would died hungry in war stricken countries. There will be no hate only love. On a second thought, if world only filled with love no hate or the 7 deadly sins, living on earth would be very dull. Hmmmm....

Love,
What say u? Life with no ups and downs, a monotonous day to day life be very hard to live by....no challenges.... I craved for challenges, it will make my mind grow and make wiser. Yeah, u may think that I am crazy. Maybe I am....

Love,
I have to say good bye for now, till we meet again. Do take care. I will find time to say hye whenever I could.

The one who is always thinking of u,
Edd Ardee

New Found Joy

Dearest Love,

Hi, Love. How are you doing? Hope you are doing fine ever since we've met. I have been neglecting you for quite sometime...again I do apologize Love.

Love,
I have been occupied with my daily life for the past few weeks with activities that I do believe is good for my soul. Yet I still have unsettled issues. There are so many ups and downs in my life and the recent issue is I have just got to know that I have Saka.....not just 1 but 10 sakas. I inherited it unknowingly for my Mom's side. The Sakas are giving me problems. All the while, I thought that I am very lazy and procrastinating so much. I have been having this cycle whereby whenever it comes, I will shut myself away from everything and everyone. I will become very quite person and unwilling to go out from the house to work or socializing with friends. And this is taxing to my everyday life.

I have met an Ustaz in Bangi who said I need to get rid of it. The whole siblings, nephews and niece have to be there for the procedure. I would I get all of them to gather at the same time...hmmmm...I have to....I need to break free from all this. Ya Allah, please give me strength.

In the journey of me getting the whole family gather, I have been searching for my soulmate too. I have signed up for social networking websites and I've few that I managed to communicate. I spend time online just to have a chat and getting to know the persons. I have found 2 person that I am very comfortable chatting with and vice versa.

First, there this person I shall named A who approached me in one of the social website. A is very pleasant to chat with, but A never reveal any detail about herself. I have never seen any of A's photos and A never gives any contact number. We would only talk and say hi to each other via YM. My curiosity is very high and I hope that someday I will meet A face to face.

There this another person who I approached in one of the website who I shall named N. N is very very very much younger than me. I am smitten with N's smile and cute face. we chat via video calls and phone calls. N have most of the characteristics I am looking for my soulmate. N shied away for a couple of weeks, and recently N contacted me back. The reason N buzzed, because N thought she saw me in Shah Alam that day but in actual fact I was at home. And it started. phone calls, video calls, chatting and I met N for the 1st time. We talked and chatted, getting to know each other. I see N as the one, but my mind is clouded with the what ifs.... There are so many things to think about before I am committing myself to N. The age factor, the distance, the time.....hmmmm

I believe N is having the same thoughts. I am giving myself time and space to think it out. I don't want to make mistakes again. I don't want to hurt N's feelings and make N suffers if we were together. I want to N happy, being in love is no longer an easy task for me nowadays. N, I will give you the answer tonight......I hope it will make you happy as the answer is what you are hoping for.

Love,
I have sign off now. I hope to see u again soon. Do take care love...and please pray for me.

The one who has been neglecting you lately....
Edd Ardee

Juz dropping to say hi....

Hye Love,

How are you? Have you been thinking about me? :).... I miss you.

Love,
I am in a mess of my own creation. My mind is a dazed and trapped in a cobweb... I am floating without directions. I am unable to make decisions and lay down any plan for the future.

So many thing happened in my life for the past few weeks but the loneliness still affecting me to the max.... I hate these feeling.... The feeling has crippled me, made me feel so down and sometime restless....arghhhhh!

Love, how do I get rid of this feeling? So I just forget about it and chucked it aside? I do go out meeting friends, mix around, chatting online and start reading again.....but...

I just miss my old self, hmm...

Love, show me the way out from all this and lead me the light...I hate to stay in the darkness...lit the path to my hapiness, please...

Love, I will be waiting for the day to come when my life in back on track... till then, I will always miss u..

The one who is lost in moments....
EddArdee

Blessings in disguised

Hye Love, 

How are you fairing? I do hope, everything is great for you since I last visited you. I have been busy and the writing mood has kept laying low for quite sometime. Do you miss me, love?

I have been on a soul searching quest for the past few weeks. I am trying to find my lost soul who I have found somewhere in July but had gone missing since September. Why oh my wanderer soul, why must you go away? I have been searching for it up the emotional hills, down the moody rocky paths, swam in the river of frustration tears and I have even dig a hole in my heart searching for my wandering and lost soul.

Along the journey, I have found so many poverty in myself. I have come encountered with the rundown shack of my whole self. In the shack, there are wounded heart, drying faith, giant frame of fear on the wall, buzzing mind, a lonely rose in a vase and an empty piggy bank. These describe who I am inside.

When I leave the shack, and have a look at it from outside. I could see so many things happening around it. I could see friends running here and there with some materials to patch the wound, watering my faith with the purest water ever, holding a bigger frame of courage, singing a song of happiness to ease the buzzing, another is holding a rose in a vase to keep the lonely rose accompanied and some are with loose change in their hands to fill the empty piggy bank. Without me realizing it, I am blessed.

There are no words or beautiful phrases for me to express my gratitude and appreciations to these people. They are always there whenever I needed supports and always make me come out from the rundown shack to see from different perspectives. 

Many kudos to my family, especially Kak Teh, My bosses, Shells and Chris, My buddies, Ernie, Dya, Naz, my Machas and my colleagues, my old friends, Along, Fara and Zureen, my new found friends, Kak Lin, Wie and HH. You are the reasons I am brave enough to leave the shack and put a smile on my face and for me to face the World...Only Allah would understand who meaningful are the deeds you have done for me, and only Allah could repay you.

Love,

I am sometimes blinded by my own emotions, I have neglected those around me. I am sorry if I have hurt your feeling unintentionally. I love you, Love! I will always will....

From the person who has been neglecting you lately,

Edd Ardee

Hi, Love!

Hi,
It has been almost 3 months since I last visited you. It's going to sound boring...I am sorry! I am so sorry my Love... My days are swooned and my nights are packed with works and activities. Before that, how are doing my Love? Miss me? How's life?

This time around I don't really have any interesting story to tell. Nothing extravaganza is happening in my life lately, just I have won the 1st place last month and the RM1K I wanted. This month I am a bit slacking and having low time. I am running again for the 1st place this month so I could achieve what I have planned for by end of year.

I am lonely without you my Love. You have been away almost 4 months. I am surviving the nights and days without you by my side. I am always find a reason not to be alone, always fill my days with activities. When are you coming back, Love? Will you ever come back?

Remember M? I have stopped pursuing M at the moment. M needs someone who M could see be together in the future, and I am not the person M sees. Deep in my heart I still want M to be by my side and for me to cherish and love. I see myself having a great and peaceful life with M, us living together and taking care of each other needs. It is not easy to read M's mind and I still learning. Currently, I believe M has someone in mind and they may go serious.

M always tell me to keep my options open and to get to know as many love candidates as possible. It is not that I don't want to, I am just so smitten with M and I don't have the time to go and find even 1...hahhahaha...you may think "what a pathetic life I am living"! Well, at the moment work is my life, I do go out partying and holidaying, but it is not the same without having someone special to do all that. I wish soon I am having someone I could call mine.

Love,
Last 16th August I went to Kota Kinabalu. I have enjoyed my time with my boss and colleagues. We had great nights in KK partying and letting loose all the stress.

I have enjoyed the singles' trip but deep in my heart I want to be there with my special someone.

Love, please be with me again the soonest. I am reading the last "Secret" series, The Power. It talks about love, and how much love is needed to bring in The Law of Attractions. Once I have done reading, I will share with you what it's all about. I am signing off now. I need to catch some winks. It already 5 am here. I need to be in the office by 3pm and I want to be early.

Take care, my Love. Please come back to me in one piece. I will waiting but I will be searching for you as well. Till we meet again. Ciao, Ma Bella!

The one who always wanting you to be here,
Edd Ardee

Pieces of my thoughts.....

Hye Love,
I miss u...
I am sorry for shying away from you. It has been quite sometime since I visited u last. I have been busy working and the odd hours deterred me from visiting u as frequent as I want it to be.

I have been running for the 1st place at work, I am aiming for that extra RM1k. Now I am 2nd behind the Champ. I have 4 more days of hard running as I have wasted 1 weekend....I really want that 1st place badly, not just for the extra dough but the chance to prove to myself I can do it!

Love,
I don't know why I couldn't forget Amie even I really really tried to forget Amie. The memories keep coming back and I always have Amie's name at the tip of my mouth. I don't want to hate Amie, I am actually happy for Amie as I know Amie has found happiness Amie has been searching for. Amie has wasted 3 and 1/2 of her life with me, and I have let it happened. Amie, I have always love u, but I could love u no more. Please be known to u, I have never and not a single second not appreciating u in my life. I have treasured u and put u on the highest pedestal, even worshiped u as the Queen of my heart. I never regretted the moments spend with u and I never hate u till now. But Amie, there will be no more DD and Amie....there will be Edd and no more Elyza.

Love,
Sometimes I feel I need someone in my life so badly. I want to have someone I could call lover or the One. Deep inside my heart, I am just not ready. I still carry the fear of being hurt and rejected again. I know, M will never be mine, maybe not anytime soon. I am in fear of hurting M, as I still have a lot of unsettled issues so does M. Everyone around has warned me that I might get hurt is I keep pursuing M. I don't know now, Love...what should I do? I don't want to lose M forever.

Well Love,
Actually, M has rejected me in the nicest way ever happened in my life. M wants to just stays friends. I guess that would be the best thing. Both of us still not ready and not to make things worst and awkward. As long as I could see M smiling and hearing M's voice, I will be fine. I will be always admiring M from far and wait for the day to come and bring M to me to love and be loved. The hope will never die.

Love,
I have to be strong and keep my mind intact. I couldn't afford to lose my focus and determinations. I have very limited time, I am reaching 35 faster than I ever could imaging. I have yet to buy the X1 with Electric Blue Paint, Suede Leather interior and rotating sport rims....the 1200sqft Condo....the trips I have promised myself. Would I be able to reach all this? I am praying hard to Allah, to grant me more time and good health and shower me with wealth before I finally close my eyes. So I would know, I have purposed to be in this temporary world and I had fulfilled the purposes.

Love, don't let me tire u more with these thoughts of mine. I just need someone who could listen without judging. Thank u, Love. U are the best listener I have so far, and I know u will forever be listening. Till the next sharing, Love. Take care and be healthy...


The one who always come to u,
Edd Ardee

The Twilight Saga - Eclipse

Last nite, together with the Sky's Gang headed to Mid Valley to catch the most raved about Eclipse. I went in with no expectation and came out with nothing as well. The whole story was involved in saving Bella and numerous of dead people, dead people becoming new vampires along the way. Owh Bella, what make u so great? I couldn't see a thing.

Bella, as previous Saga, still head on with her decision of becoming a vampire herself so she could be forever with Edward. She's willing to scarify everything, willing to say goodbyes the parents and old life. Owh what a huge scarify and soooo nobel of you, Bella.

Jacob on the other hand, knows what he wanted. He wanted Bella and he made it known to Bella how does he feels her. Some might say Jacob is a bit pushy. He just knows his heart and he listens to it. I could reflexed myself in Jacob. I would always be franked when it comes to my feelings. I will tell the person I like outright that I am pursuing and in loved. Whether the person will be mine in the end, still a big question. I wouldn't stop fighting and winning the person's heart, I will play fair and go with the flow....

Edward Cullen, didn't give the impact I expect, it seems like he is just one of the extras. The most good looking extras....hehehehhehe All in all, Twilight is not my makanan laa....I prefer reading the books..... hmmm new twilight is in the making i heard....hmmmmm

Affirmations....

Yesterday, while waiting for Berbuka Puasa time, me and Kak Teh were hanging around at Borders in Tropicana City Mall. A book tittled "I Can Do It" by Louise L. Hay caught my attentions. The book is guiding the readers on how to use affirmations in life.


Affirmation according to wikipedia, a declaration that something is true, or an oath and also a form of self-forced meditation or repetition. The book suggests the power of affirmation affecting one's life. Affirmation helps in keeping a positive mind and unleashing The Secret.  I have got to know on how to use affirmation long time ago, but never really applies it to my daily life. 


Today, I am implying it to my daily routines, it has become my chants and mantras. In my daily prayers I would insert the affirmations. I have few affirmations as I have goals I am reaching. Affirmations for prosperities, health and love. I am using it for keeping a level head and to stay positive therefore I am able to focus more in my life.


It has to in a present form. It has to be exactly you are already having it, for example, "I am lovable and cheerful and I am loved by my soul mate.", "I am ready to embrace the wealth as I am living in the world of abundant". These are some of the examples. You could create your own that tailor-made to your own goals. I am using mine and will always chant my affirmations each time, especially when I am feeling down so the universe hears and open up to me.


This is just a thing I love to share, I could not forced anyone to apply it and use it themselves. I have had to realise the power of it even though many friends have told me to use it. All I could say, why don't you try it for yourself and see. It might do a difference.

Day Off.......

Almost every Monday, some people would whine about Monday Blues, complaining why Sunday never last... Thank to Allah, at the moment I am not affected by Monday Blues as I could sleep late and wake up late. Jangan jeles ah! I don't have to be in the office and beat the jam. I could just lepak tengok tv and don't have to mandi the whole day, my choice! hahahahhaha...

This morning, I had breakfast with Wai See, lama jugak x jumpe dia. It has always been such pleasure to talk to her. We had a nice chat and even though a short meet up but we managed to catch up...Thanks Wai See for the books.

Hmm...what should I rant about today? Kak Yam is busy cleaning the house but I just too lazy to help up...heheheh she's been paid to do it so kuasa sangat nk tolong....hehhehe House is a mess with the stuffs from my old place, my room still clustered with unpack clothes and documents...arghhh...hehehehh cian kak yam!

At the moment is thinking about M. Still cannot stop thinking....last few days, M seems to shy away. I don't know, whether it is just my feeling or it is reality. M might feel disturb or rimas with me. I need to back off a bit as I don't want to lose without fighting. M's hinting me to keep my options open, in another words, find someone else....hahahaha but M, I am not looking and will not look for the person. I will let the person comes to me. If u are the right person for me, I will let u come to me at ur own will.

My everyday life is improving bit by bit. At work I am doing better, I've managed to close sales and focus more. I've received praises from the bosses but I am still not satisfied not until I could praise myself for the hardwork I've done and the money I always needed are already in my pockets. I've shown some that I've promised the Bosses but I haven't proved to myself, I am not what others would think of me, THE LOSER!

I just need to keep the momentum going and keep running till I reach the top. They say, it is lonely at the top but what the heck! I don't mind as long as I am no longer in the slump....I had enough of mud in my face. I rather have mascara and blushers than dirts....

I still miss my dearest but I told myself, there's no turning back. No matter how much I loved my dearest, I could only love her from far. I hope u are doing ok, dearest.... It was such a pleasure roller-coaster ride this past 4 years....

My Babies....

My babies, Cheeqee and Sir Lucky.

Cheeqee and Sir Lucky came into my life could be considered as by accident. Cheeqee is/was a friend's, She has some problems and couldn't provide full attention to Cheeqee. I was supposed to be a temporary foster parent but Cheeqee has been with me since Oct 2009. He is the Apple of my sister's eyes.

Sir Lucky has all the Luck in the World. He was almost rolled under a Waja's wheel when I first found him in the middle of a busy road. If he were a female I would have named him Lady Luck, that's the reason he is called Sir Lucky.....

These 2 munchkins are my heart and soul as I am in my journey in the Single Town. They light up my life and they always make me smile.....

Thinking of someone....

Hye Love,

How are you doing today? Any interesting thing to share? Well, hope you have enjoyed your day so far.

Love,
Remember M, I have mention M to your previously, how I like M so much. How M's smile could melt me in seconds and M's piercing eyes could make me swooned...hahahah.....

It has been almost 2 weeks since I have first met M. Everyday since I am smitten by M. You may think I am crazy to be head over heel for a person I have only known for a very short while. I only met M twice. Crazy me! But to tell you the truth, I am crazy about M and couldn't get M out of my mind.

Everyday, I always make a point to talk to M over the phone. I need to listen to M's voice before I'm going to start the day. Until I am afraid I am disturbing and trespassing. M still giving me mixed signals....arghhh.....should I pursue u or just stay away, M????

Love,
Please give me some advice, should I or just back away and remained friends with M? ......HELP!

Hope to hear from you soon Love, I have to go now, just want to give M a call... See you soon.

The one who loved to love,
Ardee

Hunter is still hunting....

Facts of life.... Sometime the hunter brings in the kill, sometime the hunter have to keep on hunting.

Tonight, I was stalking the prey, focusing on which angel to attack. The prey fell into the trap, allured by the lights, liked what they see and wanted it, but the Brazil game tonight has awaken them from trance..... I have lost the kill... well there will more tomorrow...

Life as it is.....Stealth Killer Mode

Today am at work, preparing myself mentally and emotional for the KILL. Come what may, I am aiming for the highest KILL this month as my pocket is starving to the max. Only by bringing home the KILL would be the solution!

I am not going to kill people literally for a living, am not a hired killer but I want to kill a sale each time the prey is presented to me. It is easy to have the prey chucked in front of me but it is a tough job to nail it down. I have to use a lot of angles you could imaging.

Tonight and any other night, I will let loose the tiger, the leopard and the most stealth killer instinct in me. I will keep my ears open and my senses for the prey's weaknesses. I may not aim to break the neck but I may attack the broods...hahahahha whatever it takes. No mercy!

Hell of a Day!!!

June 30th, 2010. The day I left my old life behind.

Dear Love,
I have had a very stressful and fucked up day today. So many unwanted things have happened at a go. Everything has came up unexpectedly. I always knew they will eventually come but I don't expect it so soon. My bad debts are chasing me, left right, back, front and centre. I am in deep shit. I had to face all and make decisions alone.

Love, That's not the most heartbreaking part. Today I had to leave the life I used to have behind without turning back even a glance. I had to forget that I used to love my dearest so much. I had to say good bye permanently to a place I had called home for the past 3 years. A place I had prepared for our nesting ground, our humble abode. I painted the walls and filled it with love. It was not just a house or a home, it was my castle, my fort, now no more.

Love,
I am sorry if from now on you will see me differently. I may not be the same me you used to know. I may look different, I may talk different and I may even sound different. I am inventing the new me. I have had enough of being the old new that brings nothing and people always sees the old me as weak and a loser. I am sick and tired of the same perspectives they have. I am a great person, I could be even better than anyone could imaging. You would have to wait and see, love. You will fall in love with the new me, as if you are falling for a new person.

Love,
I wouldn't want to bore you. Please forgive me if I haven't see you around as much as I should. I would be very busy with work and pursuing my new love interest as you know so well, I could not live in single hood too long.I already someone in the picture but I still have the fear of the past would come back haunting me. I am afraid I might failed again. But, M is...how could I describe M. Each time I am downed emotionally, just hearing M's voice and listening to M, would makes all the iceberg in me melted, all the fire of anger and frustrations doused off. Ahhh....not to forget M's smiles....the smile that could  make Kings surrendering their thrones... M may or may not be mine, but how I wished M is mine forever.

I believe I would have to stop here. I will write to you again soon. Hopefully by then, I could give you an update or two and maybe a happy news. I leave you now with a note of love and friendship. Take care my love, always be happy and cheerful.

The one who will always love you,
Edd Ardee

p/s: I have attached my new picture taken at the new office...I am a lot slimmer now.. :)

Trying to get back on track....

Living a life without challenges could be very dull, living a life full of challenges and obstacles could be very taxing to one's mind and body. However hard and painful it is, life must go on.

Since the last post, so many things happened in my life. Yours truly had to face 1 thing after another and sometimes so many things happened at once. Lately, only bad things came and few what could be called little bit of happiness arrived. I still strongly believe, things happened for a reason, which is no one knows.

I am in a deep mess. Love life lost, financial hell, I have lost most of the precious things in my life that I had hold on to and those people and material things which had kept me going on running through the hurdles. But life still have to move on.

My love left me as the sparks had died. This time, there is no turning back for us. I have done fighting to get the love back and light the sparks. I have done fight for someone which most probably was not meant for me. I really don't know where to find the so-called soul mate. I don't even really know if the soul mate exist, that someone out there is meant for me. Oh well, if there is, I will not go and look for it, I will just let it come to me. I will put efforts in it but I will not put high hopes on it.

I have a job, which I enjoy so much, it looks easy but it is a tough job. I'm doing what I love to do, but still it is hard at the moment. I have yet to prove the capabilities I have to excel and make money. I am loosing my focus in life and it is dragging me down. I need a sounding board but none to find at the moment.

Recently I have met someone. It was, I could say love at the first sight, but the pull was so strong. I could not stop thinking about the person. The person has what I am looking for in a partner, smile that could melts my heart and a pair of eyes that speak to me without words. As if it was a reflex reaction, I kept turning my head and couldn't stop staring. I made a point to get to know the person who I shall made M. M has the most beautiful smile and I could stare in to M's eyes for hours.

It would be a big challenge for me to have M though. M is attached and M is not PLU. If I were to have M, I have to be patient and be my true self. M is giving little responses but sometimes mixed signals. I don't want to  interpret it wrongly. Therefore, I am rather extra careful reading the signals M's throwing at me. M is a very nice person, whose life and scarifies were not appreciated before by some. M is unique in a way. But I have yet to get to know M better.

Actually, I have a fear that losing M. I have the fear, I am not worthy for M. I feel this way as I am yet to really know what does M feel and think about me. I rather ended up as just a friend than losing M totally, the reason why I feel like I am walking on a very thin glass...

All in all, whenever I am downed, I just need to listen to M's voice and it will put smiles back to my face. By looking at M's smiling picture could instantly craved wide smiles even in my sourest mood... Thank you, M.

These are the thing I am going through at the moment, today. Only God knows what is there waiting for me in life. I still believe things happen for a reason and the reason to make me treasure each of my waking day more. Alhamdulillah, Thank you God!

I'm back!!!

It has been a while since my last post here. I have been very busy with life and work commitments. Everyday life is a hactic life nowadays. My working hours are not fixed to 9 to 5 but for sure I will clock in 9 1/2 hours to 12 hours everyday depends on the week's schedule. It may seemed a boring day to day agenda. You won't believe if I tell you the journey I went through for the past 2 months or so.

Wow! I have so many things to share I don't know where to start. Hmmm... Let me start with my birthday this year.

17th January this year just like any other day. As I did the years before I planned to be a Tourist in KL for a day. I didn't get to do it the year before, not last year and guess what, not even this year. It is just a simple wish... I wished I could spend a day with a camera in hand, nice pair of walking shoes, comfortable clothing running around just like the Japanese tourists in town taking pictures and going to the parks and monuments and be able to posse while holding up the two-finger peace sign. I'm not asking much.

Ended up I spent my birthday in Sg Wang with Sophie and my two sisters. Still I didn't get to do what I have planned. Better luck next year!!